Dick Wolfsie: Dick in “Jeopardy”

In last week's column, I speculated about personal memories my wife might share during the "chat" part of the show "Jeopardy!" if she was a candidate. All of Mary Ellen's answers were totally true stories. This week I cover what I would say if I was accepted to be one of the three challengers. Again, all of my answers are what actually happened.

first night

Mayim: So, Dick, I understand that you outright lied to get your first job as a teacher.

Dick: Yes, Mayim, that's true. When I got to my interview, I found that the English position I wanted had been filled. What they needed was a psychology professor. The assistant superintendent asked me what specialty I was in. I said psychology, of course, and I got the job on the spot. Then I taught this subject for 10 years. They never checked.

night two

Mayim: Dick, is it true that you made the front page of a tabloid?

Dick: In New York, I befriended exercise guru Richard Simmons. The paparazzi snapped a photo of us jogging in Central Park together. The following week, at the supermarket checkout, I saw one of those trashy tabloids with a picture of us on the bottom left of the front cover. The title read: EXERCISE WITH YOUR LOVER. I got calls from friends I hadn't heard from in years. I thought it was all funny. Richard thought it was hysterical. My wife too. What do you think?

night three

Mayim: Dick, tell us about the time you had a very embarrassing moment on television with a major Hollywood star.

Dick: Mayim, I interviewed Cyd Charisse, the beautiful Hollywood actress and dancer. Her publicist told me to mention Underalls, a tights brand that I assume sponsored her tour. It made sense; the woman had impressive legs. I mentioned Underalls several times until Ms. Charisse corrected me, saying she had nothing to do with Underalls, but meant Enderall, her arthritis medication. This week, 35 years later, I finally got hearing aids. Just a little late.

night four

Mayim: I was told that you asked really stupid questions about your TV shows. What was the dumbest?

Dick: I interviewed a man who had a six-foot-long alligator as a pet. When I got to his house, his reptilian giant was wearing a t-shirt that said, "I'm a Dick Wolfsie fan." I asked the owner if he had ever been in the tank with the alligator. "No, Dick," he said, "the alligator put the shirt on by itself."

night five

Mayim: Dick, I understand that you were a little deceptive in getting another job later in life.

Dick: Yeah, many years ago I went to the developer of the new Union Station in Indianapolis and told him that I had spoken with the general manager of WTHR and he was interested in producing a show morning from their new facility. I totally made that up. Then I went to see the general manager of WTHR and told him that the people at Union Station were considering the possibility of broadcasting a morning show from the new location. I kinda made that up too. The two parties ended up talking to each other. The show premiered on April 26, 1987, with me as the host.

I am retired now. Thank God. I will never again have to lie to find a job.

Retired television personality Dick Wolfsie writes this weekly column for the Daily Journal. Send feedback to [email protected]